Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
