For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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