i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
