Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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