Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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