she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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