so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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