From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
