I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
