i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
