what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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