I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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