I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
