Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i've created a new STD.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
