oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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