i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
