How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
