I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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