erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
