woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
