I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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