Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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