We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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