We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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