woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
