it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
