does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
