sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
