I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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