He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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