i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
