Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
