Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you traded sex for a burrito?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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