I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
