mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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