Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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