So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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