I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize