You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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