I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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