I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
