I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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