i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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