I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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