If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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