Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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