i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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