The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
