trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
