Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
