So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
