it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
