Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
