on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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