Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
