you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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