The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
