the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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