Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
