He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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