I heard we made out
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I deserve this hangover.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
