I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
