that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
