census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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